Expansiveness
I have tried to write about this before but I am struggling to bring the right words into place. The best word that I can thing of is “expansive” defined as:
- having a capacity or a tendency to expand
- causing or tending to cause expansion
- characterized by high spirits, generosity, or readiness to talk
- marked by or indicative of exaggerated euphoria and delusions of self-importance
- characterized by richness, abundance, or magnificence
It’s interesting that I chose that word, because at first glance (the top two bullets) it doesn’t actually seem relevant at all (also, it should be illegal to use a word to define the word). But the last 3 are perfection. “High spirits” “generosity” “abundance” are 100% how I feel when I feel my best at work.
Everything feels possible. I am kind. I am open. Things are going my way.
On the other hand, when I am struggling at work I feel the opposite of expansive:
- narrow
- limited
- restricted
- cramped
I basically feel boxed in. Like nothing can happen and that I can’t do anything. I feel like I can’t breathe and that I don’t have a way forward
I recently read a blog post by Michael Ashcroft “To rush is to try to compress time” my favorite line in the essay is:
All this extra stuff, I suggest, is the effort that some part of your system is applying, ineffectually, in its attempt to compress time, to try to manipulate a future moment into arriving sooner.
Expansiveness for me is the opposite of rushing. I’m not trying to ineffectually compress time.
Like so many things in life, I’m not sure I have an “answer” per se to how to fix the negative feeling. I think acknowledging and noticing it has to be good for something though! Onward!